Me too!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
