so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
