Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
