i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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