I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
