i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so let's talk penis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize