OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize