There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
