I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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