Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
