Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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