Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
