She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
