We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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