I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
