so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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