there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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