Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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