Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
