you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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