After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
