In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
