the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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