and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
