someone threw a dead crab at me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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