whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
