I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize