I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
