Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
