conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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