would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
