tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
