Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
