I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
