That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
