That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I currently don't understand fingers.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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