I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
