I wanna passion pit in your ass
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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