Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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