I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're like the curious george of whores
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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