dude i'm inner monologue high
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
