In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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