first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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