I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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