its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
