I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
