Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
