I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
