I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize