The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
