I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you would pick up someone in the library
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
