ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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