who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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