remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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