went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
