Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
