I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I love you. Go after that dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
