FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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