Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
