Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
