she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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