i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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