The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize