Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
