I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
