My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
