Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
