I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need a burrito and a hug.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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