OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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