You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
