i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They took my balls.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
