On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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