please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me