Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
