well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
