I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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