How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im six kinds of drunk right now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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