I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
