I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
