Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
