made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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